i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
