i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Green mimosas i think yes
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Randomize
