like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
