He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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