at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
