She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
