WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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