i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
