so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
