Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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