I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
