Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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