all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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