i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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