you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
