I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
