i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
