I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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