I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
