chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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