Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
