I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
