So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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