I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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