3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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