I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She's the barista slut.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
