i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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