I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
