He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
