i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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