Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
