i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
