That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
