The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
