He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
