he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
