Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
