I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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