I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We had to coat check the pizza.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
