Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
