Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
