I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
