I got chris browned last night
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
