is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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