I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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