The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
