i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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