apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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