How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
