Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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