Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
