I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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