Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
