he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
